- [Presenter] We would like to welcome you to our five-part training series on domestic violence, sexual assault, and disability. This series is brought to you by the Miami Inclusion Alliance. The Miami Inclusion Alliance is comprised of four organizations that have spent the last three years studying domestic violence and sexual assault services in Miami Dade County and how persons with disability are utilizing these services. What we have found is that there is a disconnect between the services that our community provides and the outreach to persons with disability. This training series is the first step to bridging that gap. We're working internally to train or organizations and then we will be going out to the community to share the knowledge and the information that we have gained. Disability Independence Group is an advocacy center for disability rights. Dade Legal Aid is a legal entity that handles domestic violence cases. M.U.J.E.R. is a certified sexual assault center and CVAC is the Miami Dade County one stop center for victims of domestic violence. This training series is supported by Grant number 2015-FW-AX-K001, awarded by the Office on Violence Against Women, US Department of Justice. The opinions, findings, conclusions, and recommendations expressed in this publication are those of author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the Department of Justice, Office on Violence Against Women. This is a five-part training series. You will notice that we have embedded accessibility features into the trainings. All of the videos have been captioned, so that you can read the words what we are speaking. All of these videos are being interpreted in American Sign Language. The font size of the words on the slides are large. We're using a Sans Serif font that is easy to read, and the colors used on the slides have been tested to make sure that there is a contrast between the colors for better viewing. You can watch the trainings in order for you to like, to see what you would like. The training you are about to watch is called Domestic Violence. It will focus on the definition of domestic violence, the difference between the legal definition and the social definition, warning signs of an abusive relationship and the power and control wheel versus the equality wheel. The mission of the Miami Inclusion Alliance is to learn about the intersection of disability and domestic violence and or sexual violence in order to promote a culture of inclusion within and between all collaborating agencies. This collaboration will implement the necessary changes so that persons with disability who are affected by domestic violence and or sexual assault have access to services. The Coordinated Victims Assistance Center mission statement is, "The Coordinated Victims Assistance Center provides positive impact on our community through compassion, comprehensive, coordinated services in a one-stop service center. CVAC, as it is called, promotes justice and provides support to people whose lives have been impacted by domestic violence and abuse." Hi, my name is Ivon Mesa. I am going to be your speaker today. I am the Chief of the Targeted Services Bureau of Miami Dade County for the Community Action and Human Services Department at the Coordinated Victims Assistance Center. So today we're going to talk about what is the domestic violence, and we're going to talk about it from a different perspective. To start, we would like to clearly define that domestic violence is a pattern of controlling behaviors, violence or threats of violence, it could be both, that one person uses to establish power of an intimate partner in order to control that partner's actions or and activities. Domestic violence is also an abusive, disrespectful, and hurtful behavior that one intimate partner chooses to use against the other partner. So it is also a learned behavior, and therefore in many instances it can be unlearned. Not a loss of control but rather an exercise of power and control used, by batterers because it works. Because the batterer, not the victim, the relationship or outside factors. Relationships that fall under domestic violence could be different like a family or household means it could include spouses, former spouses, persons related by blood or marriage. Could also include persons who are presently residing together as in a family unit or who have resided together in the past as in a family unit. Persons who are parents of a child in common regardless of whether they have been married or not. With the exception of persons who have a child in common, the family or household members must be currently residing or they must have resided in the past together as in a family unit. What is not domestic violence? When we're talking about acts that are not part of the definition of domestic violence we are referring to a disagreement, a marital spat, an anger management problem. The parties share a child in common; however, they have never resided together in the same dwelling as in a family unit. Does the relationship fall under domestic violence? Yes, it does. So Yes, it does, because basically they have a child in common, which is the only exception to have to have been reciting in the same family unit. We are now dealing with a legal definition versus a social definition. We must clarify that there are some processes for which the legal definition must be met, but they're other processes for which if you meet the social definition, you are considered a victim of domestic violence. To further clarify that dual definition, we're going to go into both definitions separately. Now, like to talk to you about the legal definition, which is included in one of the Florida statute, 741.30. This statue clearly defines what domestic violence means in the state of Florida, and it means any Assault, Aggravated Assault, battery, aggravated battery, sexual assault, stalking kidnapping, false imprisonment, or any criminal offense, resulting in physical or death of one family member, or a household member by another who is or was residing in the same legal dwelling, or have children in common. The social definition is completely different and it has to do with behavior. Domestic violence is all behavior between intimate partners which harms, gains or maintains control over another person. This definition includes emotional, verbal, sexual or physical abuse that diminishes an individual's personal power, and creates an atmosphere of fear and intimidation. If Joseph and his roommate get into a physical altercation is it considered domestic violence? It is if they leave as in a family unit. If these are two individuals who are residing in the same dwelling, and have no relationship between them, then it may not be considered domestic violence, because there is lack of familiarity between the parties. Now, we're gonna talk about warnings signs of an abusive relationship. These are not all the signs, but these are some very important signs and we like to discuss with you today. One of them is quick attachment and expression of love. And what we're referring to these is, it is not expected that if you have been in a relationship with someone for a few weeks, that you might be talking about love and commitment and marriage. It is not the natural progression of how a relationships should be. Quick attachment and expression of affection too prematurely, could be a sign that you're dealing with someone who's very controlling. Frightening temper. Now we're talking the action that is taken by the other person, that affects you that makes you feel fearful such as, for example, it could be blow up, reckless driving, it could be threats, it could be a variety of actions, but the important thing is that you are going to see these individual's behavior being frightening in nature. Also, we like to talk about rough physical treatment. Sometimes this is misinterpreted and people think that is just that the individuals are very affectionate or very passionate, and we want to clarify that that's not the case. Rough physical treatment is definitely a warning sign that you might be dealing with an individual who is controlling and who is an abuser. Equally important, we need to talk about the fact that the abusers often or generally actually, plays blame on the other person, because what they want is they want to make it seem like they have no blame, that they are not doing anything wrong. So, they end up blaming the other person. It doesn't matter what occurred, the other person will be blamed for the actions that were brought about by the abuser. We need to be aware of that. Break-up panic. Break-up panic is something that is very, very common to relationship that are controlling and that are abusive. I'm referring particularly to, for example, actions such as threatening with suicide, to intimidate, to coerce, to make that other person feel, that if they break up these individual is going to commit suicide, which is at the end of the day, an act of manipulation, an act of coercion, and an act of controlling behavior. Unwanted sexual contact, is also something that is very abundant in this type of relationship, because the individuals they're wanting to exert power over over the victim. And one way in which they feel that they are exerting that power is by forcing the other person to have unwanted unwanted sexual contact. Emotional abuse, even though is undermined by many individuals and sometimes that is referred to was the act of violence, under the social condition of domestic violence we solely validate emotional abuse harassment, basically any act that is intended to diminish the self esteem and self confidence of the other party, to ridicule that individual, to make things that are important to that person look not important. All of those acts, they're all geared towards deteriorating and diminishing the emotional self respect and self confidence, self esteem that the victim may possess at the time. And also we cannot live outside the fact that economic control and exploitation plays a big role, because there are individuals who would try purposely to control that person from a financial standpoint, they're not going to give the individual an opportunity to be independent, economically speaking. Physical restraints, such as, for example, locked doors, and things of that nature that would send a very strong message to the victim that she doesn't have the power to do differently. All of those behaviors are definitely signs of abuse relationships, and they should not be overlooked. Progressive social isolation. The batterer would want the victim to feel like she has no support system. One of the things that you will see occurring very often in this type of relationship, is that batterers would cut the victim of any support, including family members and friends, and basically any type of social relational connection that that victim could have with outside world. The batterer wants, the victim to feel isolated, to feel powerless and that is what he or she is going to try to achieve by that by creating that social isolation. It is very often that we see victims of domestic violence, as they are engaged in these abusive relationship dropping their hobbies are not involving with individuals, changing their personalities, for example, people that were extroverted, people that were social, that were communicative, become introverted, anti-social, because what we're trying to do really is, you're trying to hide, they're trying to prevent further acts of violence and the way they do that, is by changing and showing no interest in the outside world. They're really hiding behind that person. Paranoid control, such as for example excessive questioning about the whereabouts of the victim, excessive demands in terms of knowing who the victim is speaking to, what the victim is wearing, who is she associating or he associating with, are definitely signs of someone who is paranoid in terms of control, and who's going outside the norms to seek that control over the other partner. Public embarrassment is also one of the many ways in which control is gained by a batterer. They would try to verbally abuse the individual in front of classmates, coworkers, family members, friends so that they get into a situation where they already know that, they better not speak in public, they better not express their opinion because that could become indeed a very embarrassing situation for the victim. Little by little the victim learns to be powerless, she or he may learn to just stay quiet, not say much so that they don't create what they think it's a creative domestic violence situation. It is really never enough for some of these individuals, what I mean by that is that the behavior always will fall, short of what is expected, and it's really not victims fault. It is a situation that the batterer would always perpetuate. It doesn't matter, often when I speak to victims, they tell me well, "But if I do this differently, if I cook dinner early, or if I lose weight, or if I cut my hair or if I --," the victims would have a long list of things, that if they feel that they do differently, that might indeed reduce or eliminate the abuse, when we know very well that that's not the case. The abuse that takes place in an abusive relationship is not really triggered by anything that the victim does, is a behavior that is perpetuated by the abuser, with intent to achieve control. So, it doesn't matter what the victim would do, the behavior of the abuser will be the same, he would just or she'll just would find different ways to go about it. So entitlement, it's a key factor when we're speaking of abuse relationship, because basically they have a perfectly logical right way to do whatever it is that they're doing, under the label of entitlement. Friends and family dislike the abuser. That is most of the time the case because, when you're involved in an abusive relationship, you might have already developed sentiments and feelings of love, of attraction, infatuation. All of those things will play a role, and often will make the victim feel blinded but not able to see the reality for what it is, However, friends and family members, would be able to see some of the behaviors, some of the signs much better than what the victim who is involved in the relationship would be able to see. And that's why batterers will immediately try to isolate the victims so that they don't get the feedback of that which will be considered a support system, for the victim. You are on your second date, and she or he becomes upset, that you speak to an old high school friend, of the opposite sex, and accuses you of being unfaithful. Would you consider this a warning sign, of a potentially abusive relationship? And the answer is yes, most definitely. Because all relationships will be based on respect, and they should have a certain degree of autonomy. So, if you're in a relationship and you are not able to exercise autonomy, and you're not able to exercise free will, then that is a very good indication that you're in an abusive relationship. There is something that we know, as the power and control wheel. The power and control wheel has eight different components, and we see a lot of the behavior that takes place, being reflected accurately by this wheel. So, we would like to discuss this wheel. I'd like to start by talking about the use of intimidation. Most batterers would begin with use of intimidation, which often is not perceived at the time by the victim, as an act of intimidation, it might be perceived as an act of the person is very passionate again, or very expressive, or very sensitive, or very caring, and they really want to make sure that certain things are happening in certain ways. But in actuality, we know that any activity, any behavior that is intended to create fear, to create control, such as, for example, it could be something as simple as gestures that the person would do with their hands, with their body, with their face. All of those acts are going to be intended to create that sense of intimidation. There's also the use of emotional abuse. Emotional abuse is something that is more abundant, that we would like it to recognize that it is, but it is very abundant and definitely an element that is present in all, if not most relationships that are abusive. What we talked about here, is the use of language, making the victim feel at fault, creating a situation where the victim loses her self esteem, and becomes completely powerless, so that then the abuser can go ahead and exercise his power and control, or her power and control over the victim, and create a situation of someone that deteriorates her self esteem or self esteem and become paralyzed, because when you don't have self esteem, and you are fearful of what could happen to you, your act, the power to act becomes very much affected, and and that's how they begin to gain power and control little by little, Needless to say that, we're definitely talking about isolation when we talk about power and control. The batterer will try to do anything in his or her power, to isolate the victim, The batterer does not want the victim to have a support system. So, anyone and anything that would be a source of a strength, for the victim will be something that the abuser will target, because he wants she wants the victim to be powerless and to not have choices. So, it is very typical for batterers to deny their behavior, and to blame the victim. These are two things that occur normally simultaneously, hey will deny that what they did was abuse, while they're blaming the victim for what occurred. So we see here different types of scenarios that occurred, and again, very, very common, abusive relationships. But the actions that have been taken by the abuser, would be described as again, they will be minimized if not denied. So, they will try to make it like, for example, if there was a fight, and the abuser, let's say, threatened to kill the victim, the abuser will say, "Well, I wasn't really threatening. I was just thinking out loud, I was just just, you know, thinking and talking, but I never meant to do that." They will get whatever it is that they did, and they would minimize it, and on top of minimizing it, they would blame it on the victim, "The victim created it. You provoked me," and let's be very clear, no one provokes anyone. We are individuals that have the power of acting as we deem appropriate. So when a batterer victimizes a victim, is not about the victims causing that behavior, is about a well intentioned behavior that is perpetuated by the aggressor period. Using children is also a very important controlling mechanism that batterers use, on an ongoing basis, and that's why children are called the silent victims, Because even though they see it, they have no power to do anything about it, and they often fear for the life of their abused parent, so, they would stay quiet, and they would just, very often cry and know and be very aware of what's going on, but they choose not to speak, because they don't want to create more violence for their abused parent. Victims are normally subjected to what we call, "using male privilege" When we're talking about male privilege, we're talking about a series of behavior that is perpetuated by batterers, which is intended to make the batterer look as a superior type of individual. Particularly when we talk about machismo, in many cultures, men have already certain roles assigned to them, and that's how they perceive a relationship through those lenses. They will proceed certain acts to be typical, and to be correct for a male to carry it out. In those scenarios, where roles are so separated in terms of what is acceptable, this is also by the way, very cultural, there are different cultures that see roles differently, but overall, the important thing is that there no is not such a thing as male privilege, and that all relationships should be based on respect and equality, so that they can blossom into a healthy relationship. Using economic power, we already mentioned it briefly before, but it's definitely something that we cannot leave out of the power and control wheel. And it's very, very important because a lot of our victims, are really controlled by the fact that they have no economic resources, which affects their capability to carry out their own life and to support their children, and to view themselves as productive individuals. That's why when we speak about victimization, we always encourage individuals to have something to have a career, to study, to prepare themselves so that they do not have to financially dependent on anyone. Using coercion and threat is something very, very common in abusive relationships, and something that victims are very subjected to in this type of relationship. And we're talking about all kinds of threats. It could be a threat towards your physical body, it could be physical in nature, it could be a threat, to carry out a homicide to kill the victim, or to kill family members of the victim, it could be against the children but at the end of the day, we're speaking of again, making the victim feel fearful so that she or he can be controlled, and then under the power of the abuser. Now, when we compare an abusive relationship to a healthy relationship, we need to mention the equality wheel, which is the opposite of the power and control wheel. It also has eight elements, eight components that should be compared one to one, that's basically a choice that a victim has, that we all have in trying to maintain a healthy relationship. So, instead of many of the elements of components that I mentioned before, now we're going to address the elements of a healthy relationship. In a healthy relationship, we're talking about the abundance of non threatening behavior. When we have a relationship that is based on equality, we are basically talking about treating each other in a respectful manner, we're talking about treating in each other in a way that is comfortable. We wanna make sure that the other party can express herself or himself without fearing the consequences of what they think or do. Respect is a fundamental element of the wheel of equality, because without respect, there isn't any capacity to accept each other and respect each other's points of view. When there is respect, there is the possibility of healthier discussions. It doesn't mean that the two have to see everything eye to eye, when there is respect, there's room for disagreement. But when there isn't respect then, there is no way in which people can express themselves freely, and feel comfortable while they're doing it. Trust and support are definitely, are core elements of a healthy relationship. Without trust and support, there cannot be a true healthy relationship. Here we're talking about the fact that, in the relationship the partners support one another. They respect the right that each of them has, to their feelings, to taking action, to conducting any activity that they choose to conduct. It's about respecting each other's and supporting each other so that they can have a loving and caring relationship. Honesty and accountability are also key elements. Because again, with all honesty and accountability, then we couldn't talk about trust, or we couldn't talk about respect. So, many of these elements are intricate parts of one another. Honesty and accountability, deals with the responsibility that each person brings into the relationship, the acknowledgment, if an act has occurred, if something has occurred, acknowledging what occurred, looking at it very honestly, and trying to hold yourself accountable for whatever it is that you did wrong. Communicating openly and truthfully about what occurred and finding a solution within that context. Responsible parenting. In the power and control wheel, we talked about using the children as a mechanism to further control the victim. Now we're talking about being was responsible for parenting, for the quality of parenting, that is going to take place in this household or in this relationship. We're talking about not putting each other's down, and not giving each other any additional power in front of the children. Not using the children to achieve anything that we may want out of our partner, but respecting the children respecting and creating a non violent atmosphere where they can grow and blossom, because we know that domestic violence affect children very much, and we know that without having a responsible parenting model, children cannot grow to be healthy individuals. Shared responsibility. When we look at an equality wheel, we look at a healthy relationship one of the most important elements will be having that sense of the shared responsibility, which means mutually agreeing on what they do as a unit, and not having a situation where we talked about before, where there is supremacy, where there's male privileges. We're talking about sharing the responsibilities, sharing their life together and creating a situation that is fair for both, and where family decisions are made together, giving each other the same value for their opinions. Economic partnerships. Here we're talking about just the opposite of what we discussed before, which was to use the economy of an individual to further control. Here, we're talking about having a relationship where both partners have access to financial resources in an equal fashion, where nobody is dependent upon the other one to make the most elemental, fundamental decisions, that individuals should be able to do in a relationship to be healthy individuals. Negotiation and fairness. Again, right in the same category as economic partnerships, and many of the components that we talked about before, we need to be able to negotiate with fairness. When there is not an equilibrium of power in a relationship, there isn't any possibility to really negotiate. That's why, for example, mediation is not a recommended method of communication or addressing any party, where domestic violence exists because, there is lack of equality when it comes to power. So, here we're talking about having, accepting the things that need to be changed, being able to compromise, and being able to resolve conflict. So, how do victims cope with all of these things, that we have mentioned before? They often cope by things that are really at the end, as mechanisms of they have created these mechanisms, to be able to support or sustain what is going on in their lives such as, for example, victims do learn helpless behavior, they learn to minimize everything that is happening because it's easier for them to minimize it than to acknowledge that they are really in an abusive relationship and to have to take that step of actually bringing the relationship to accountability. It's easier sometimes to just minimize what is going on, to feel more comfortable and to be able to live with it more comfortably, Deny, well, we talked about denial of what is going on is something that is a coping mechanism, Victims do it all the time, to again be able to deal with what is happening to them. Often victims think that they are going to be able to walk away from the relationship, that the batterer is going to change, that if they get married, or they get engaged, or if they get the lose weight, if they let their hair grow, There're endless of reasons why victims sometimes think that if they do something differently, the abuse is going to be reduced or eliminated, when we know that that's not the case. Self medicate. That's a real problem for victims of domestic violence because, in an effort to try to endure what's happening to them, and feeling that they don't have the resources to really make a difference at the time, they choose to stay. And they choose to self medicate themselves often, to be able to to endure the feelings and basically the impact that an abusive relationship will have on a victim. They stay in relationships that are very dangerous. They stay because they fear what would happen if they leave. Because, let's make it very clear. It has been estimated that the most difficult time and the most dangerous time for a victim of domestic violence, is not when she or he is in the actual abusive relationship, but it is when she or he make the decision of leaving the abuser, Because remember, this is all about power and control. So, when a victim chooses to leave, the power and control is now reduced, and the batterer now begins to see that he or she is losing control over the victim, and that makes them more dangerous. They don't take responsibility, what they do is they blame others. They might blame family members, they might blame other external factors, but they basically will not take responsibility for what is happening, Because again, they are emotionally, physically often in a situation where they're not feeling their best. Victims often, if not always believe, that the batterer will change. They believe that if they obey and they behave in different ways that that is going to have a direct impact on reducing the possibilities of abuse, when we know that that's not the case, But that is what they believe, and that is what the batterers would want the victim to believe. So, that is what you're going to promote. Victims sometimes choose to seek help and protection. But nationally, it has been estimated that it takes a victim the average of seven episodes of violence, to finally get themself to to seek out help. When we're helping a victim of domestic violence, we need to keep that in mind. We don't know if our intervention might be the second, the third, the fifth, the seventh, so we have to understand that what we do does not bring about the separation immediately, that doesn't mean that we have failed to make a difference in this victim's life. It means simply that right now the victim may not be able to carry on the escape, but that doesn't mean that we have not affected their life positively. Your newly wed husband doesn't allow you to see your family, friends or doctor alone. Is this a form of physical abuse, economic abuse, isolation or all of the above? It is basically all of the above. Because when we talk about not being able to see someone, not being able to, to see a family and be able to conduct yourself normally, there is a little bit there of everything that could potentially-- there's definitely an element of isolation, but there is also the possible consequence, that if this could become a physical abusive scenario in the future, because if you do choose to see a friend, if you do choose to see a family member, what could happen to the victim? It could actually escalate to a physical abuse, and depending upon the situation of the victim, there could be economic abuse as well, as is often part of all abusive relationships. So, we've talked about all of these different type of situations, scenarios and important components. There're are several resources available to victims and survivors for domestic violence. There is a National Domestic Violence Hotline and the phone number is 1-800-799-7233. At the state level, you can call the Florida Coalition Against Domestic Violence, which stands for the Florida Coalition Against Domestic Violence. The phone number is 1-800-500-119. At the local level, you can call CVAC, which is the Coordinated Victims Assistance Center, where you can find different type of help. And that's also called, the Miami Dade County Family Justice Center. The phone number is 305-285-5900. For sexual violence at the national level, you can call RAINN, which stands for the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network. The phone number is 1-800-656-4673, at the state level you can call the Florida Coalition for sexual Abuse. which stands for the Florida Coalition Against Sexual Abuse, the phone number is one, eight, eight, eight, nine, five, six, seven, two, seven, three. At the local level, you can call MUJER, one of our local sexual assault centers. The phone number is 305 763-2459 Thank you for watching the training "Domestic Violence". Please make sure that you watch the other for training in our our five part series. If you have any questions, please contact CVAC at 305 285-5900 Thank you.